


The Bounce House

by IAmANonnieMouse



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Bad Puns, Crack, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 16:05:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18759763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse
Summary: "Welcome to iMattress. There's a nap for that."





	The Bounce House

**Author's Note:**

> Belatedly for the Inception Bedfest event for the prompt: Eames is a mattress salesman. Arthur needs a mattress.

Arthur has only taken one step into the store when he begins to regret every life decision that has led him here.

The chimes over the door jingle obnoxiously—seriously, what mattress store has _chimes_ over their door?—and the man behind the counter beams and says, "Welcome to Nothing Really Mattress. We have a 6-month return policy, because we know you can't be sure until you sleep on it." The man winks then adds with a terrible leer, "Or with it."

Arthur pauses. "That was…creative."

The man's smile grows. "Thanks, love. Thought of it myself. I've been trying it all morning, but your stormy frown is by far the best reaction yet."

Arthur can't help it. He frowns more. "I just need a mattress," he says. "Your store is right next to my office. I want to buy—"

"And where is this office?" the man nearly purrs. "For when we deliver your mattress, of course."

"My—" Arthur sighs. "The mattress isn't going in my _office,_ what kind of office do you think it is?"

"I'm sure I don't know," the man answers. "But that suit is giving me all sorts of ideas."

Arthur rolls his eyes and purposefully doesn't fiddle with his tie. "I just want to buy a mattress," he repeats, arching a brow. "And no, I don't need to sleep on it. Or with you."

The man dramatically clutches his chest. "You wound me, darling."

"You—"

Arthur pauses as the door chimes again.

The man grins. "Welcome to iMattress. There's a nap for that."

"Stow it, Eames," the man behind Arthur says. "That wasn't even creative."

Eames rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on, Yusuf, that was the best one yet!"

Yusuf ignores him and walks through the door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY (EXCEPT YOU, EAMES).

"So," Eames says cheerfully, "what kind of mattress are we looking at?"

"Really?" Arthur can't help saying. "You aren't going to try some other pick up line or pun?"

"Is that an invitation?" Eames asks with a smirk.

Arthur tilts his head at the EMPLOYEES ONLY sign. "That for you?"

Eames sighs dramatically. "I spill orange juice on Yusuf's clothes _one time_ —"

"It was a bloody bespoke suit!" Yusuf yells from behind the door.

"Really," Eames says, "I don't understand you people are so concerned with your clothing."

Arthur eyes Eames' aggressively-patterned shirt. "So I can see."

"And it wasn't just orange juice!" Yusuf shouts, and he sticks his head out the door. "I think you dumped my whole bloody fridge on it!"

Eames shrugs dramatically. "Accidents in the workplace are a terrible thing, aren't they?"

Yusuf growls, pulls out a bright yellow highlighter and underlines the EXCEPT YOU, EAMES bit of his sign. Twice. Then he circles it, adds several exclamation marks, then slams the door shut.

"As I was saying," Eames says, turning back towards Arthur. "What kind of mattress are we looking for today?"

Arthur pauses. "Um. Sorry, is he okay?"

"Who, Yusuf?" Eames snorts. "Yeah, he's fine. Broke up with his girlfriend last weekend, and he's still in a strop over it."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, you kind of start to lose sympathy after the fifth break up. I bet you they'll be back together within the week, and he'll be drawing bloody hearts all over the store."

Arthur snorts. "Alright, then. I just want this mattress—it's the one I currently have, and I like it." He hands Eames a slip of paper with the information.

"I love this one," Eames says. "I was trying to talk Yusuf into changing the byline for the advertising, but he nixed me."

"Let me guess," Arthur says. "It was some cheesy pickup line that he decided wasn't worth the lawsuits?"

Eames gasps. "You malign me, darling! No, it was, 'You never get tired of sleeping.'"

Arthur can't help his smile. "Alright, that's a pretty good one, I have to admit."

"Damn straight," Eames says, all but puffing out his chest. He turns to the computer and starts typing. "What address shall I give the gents to deliver the mattress?"

Arthur gives him the information and the rest of the purchase process goes startlingly smoothly. As Eames hands him his receipt he can't help but say, "No more puns for me before I go?"

Eames smiles. "Thanks for shopping with Good Guys Mattress. You'll never get a rest again."

Arthur laughs even as he rolls his eyes. "That was weak."

"Everyone's a critic," Eames says. "Go back to your office with your gorgeous suit, darling. Your mattress will arrive the 23rd."

"Thanks," Arthur says, and he pauses at the door because he feels like he should add something, but then he glances at his watch and realizes he is very, very late. "Shit, I'm sorry, I have to run, but—thank you."

Eames waves and says, "Come back soon."

It isn't until Arthur's back in the office that he realizes Eames wrote his phone number on Arthur's receipt.

_In case you want a second opinion on your mattress after it arrives._

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing this, I asked if anyone had any mattress-related puns, and [dei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinvati/pseuds/deinvati) absolutely DELIVERED. These are what she sent me. I used almost all of them. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENIUS, DEI <3
> 
> The Bounce House  
> iMattress. There's a Nap for That.  
> You never get tired of sleeping.  
> Good Guys Mattress. You'll never get a rest again.  
> Night in Shining Armor  
> Nothing Really Mattress


End file.
